April Denise Kull

I have been working on this for a little while I hope u like it. It is still under construction so bare with it. I just want u know that I love you more than anything and I miss you SO much.  I can't stop thinking about you.  I can't live without you.  You were my world and you took it way from me and I hurt so much because of that.  I would have done anything to stay with you.  If time is what u needed you should have asked for it, not made my decision for me.  I really think you should have thought about this a lot longer than you did.  I am so frustrated with myself, I can't do anything right, I needed you more than you know, or more than you will ever know, for that matter.  It hurts every time I talk to you and it hurts worse when I don't talk to you. You are and always will be the most important thing to me, I love you more than anything and I would never do anything to hurt you, I have feelings for you that I didn't know existed, that is why it hurts so bad.  If I am not busy doing something I get depressed, and I have way to much free time on my hands.  I'm screwed either way.  I keep writing letters; practicing what I would say to you if we ever talked again; writing songs; making this, but it is still not enough.  You really screwed me this time.  But the only person I can really blame is me.  I have been a pretty bad boyfriend. I should have done more maybe then I wouldn't be in this situation.  Why me April?  Huh?  Why does this shit happen to me.  I fucking hate everything right now.  I don't think I will ever be happy again.  I just love you too much.  I hope you are happy and I hope you are happy or get some kind of benefit or gratuity from the decision you've made.  I know I won't. Sorry if what I am saying isn't making any sense but nothing has, not since January 10th at 7:13.  Been all down hill from there.  The only time I see you now is in my dreams and I usually wake out of them before I get you back, it's more of a nightmare than a dream.  Everytime I call your house I shake, everytime someone says April my heart drops.  Since the day I met you I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, and I never considered or thought of what life would be like without you, let me tell you it is pretty shitty not being with the person you love, your best friend, your soulmate.  Is there any other reason why you left me???? If there is please tell me.  I just feel like there is more to it, but I could be wrong.  I usually am.  I am sorry about having an attitude and being mean to you.  I never meant to, I was just afraid I was gonna lose you, and I did lose you, so I guess my instincts were right.  Even after the promises and "you'll never lose me honey" or "i'm not going anywhere" I still lost you, how does that happen?  Were you tired of being with me, were you scared of something?  Do you not know that I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???????????  Don't you think that we are meant to be?  If we aren't made for each other than I am not made for anybody.  I LOVE YOU BABY!! I love you so much I can't stand it. I have too much stuff going through my head, I am sorry if this letter is a little angry but fuck, I am a little angry, angry with you, myself, my family, my whole world is on the fucking generator it is about to run out of fuel.  I am living on a limb, I don't know what is in store for me tomorrow or the next day, when i was with you at least i knew that you would be there no matter what, I thought i knew that, now your not here, and I am lost. Maybe in the future we will be together again, who knows what will happen but it isn't in my hands it never was, the rotation went around and I got f'n skipped.  But somehow or another I still love you, I miss you like hell, I am a little irate, but I wish you could be here with me right now holdin hands, bitin me, tickling me, spending our last dollar on a cheeseburger together, everything I do now reminds me of you, because we shared everything together, we have been through so much, and for what now? To be apart? To say "hey" every once in a while?  I am done bitchin I guess, i can barely see to type. Sorry if it was a little long but I have a lot on my mind, and please don't get mad at me for anything i have said, you said you will listen to me, and that is what I need right now.  I love you, i wait for you to tell me you love me everytime we talk and you never do, and it hurts not to have anyone tell you that they care or that they love you, you are the only one that used to tell me that, and i miss it along with your eyes and your hair and your body and you lips, and your cheeks, your smile, and especially your love.  I will probably update this page evertime I have no one to talk to so if you want you can check back.  I love you so much.  I love you for real.

Daniel